


We Can't Lose You

by IHaveNothingToDo



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Best Friends, Chronic Pain, Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance has chronic pain now, Team as Family, feels and angst and poor poor Lance, ok who am I kidding, thanks Zarkon, the first chapter is angst, this whole thing is angst, warning you now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-01-05 13:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12190680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHaveNothingToDo/pseuds/IHaveNothingToDo
Summary: Lance is nearly killed in a battle gone wrong with the Galra and the team is taking it real hard.





	1. My Vision's Going Black But You're Back, Back Safe And Sound

**Author's Note:**

> I dont know if you read the tags but this first chapter is 100% angst. Warning you now, it's gonna hurt. 
> 
> I plan on having this be a 8-10 chapter piece just showing each character and how much lance means to them but that may change.  
> There will however definitely be a second part to this.

 

 

 Lance had just deactivated his bayard when he hears Pidge frantic yell through the comms.

 

"Guys! We're pinned down in here! There's too many of them!"

 

Lance can feel his heartbeat in his chest, it's fast.

 

He's faster.

 

"Pidge if no more came could you fight them off?"

 

His voice is calm, betraying the panic he felt in his chest.

 

They should have never split up, they shouldn't have.

 

Lance knew this wasn't a good idea and he didn't say anything,

 

_Damnit._

 

"What the-?! Lance why?!"

 

Lance presses himself behind a wall and peeks around the corridor, following the sound of fighting.

 

"Could you do it?!" he yells, shooting two Galra walking down the hall towards him.

 

"YES!"

 

'That's Keith' Lance notes dully 'They must have forced them all into the main control room. Fish in a barrel. Smart.'

 

"Lance whatever you're thinking of doing don't do it. We will get out of here."

 

Lance ducks into another doorway, if they have Shiro then Hunk would be with them too.

 

Trap them all together and then rain hell down on their head. Again, no one said the Galra weren't smart.

 

"I agree with Shiro! Well not about that last park, this doesn't look too good but yeah Lance don't do the thing."

 

Lance smiles at Hunk's nervous ramblings, eyes scanning the hall around the corner, searching for a way in.

 

"PIDGE!" Lance barks, ignoring Hunks continued muttering.

 

"What?!" she squawks back.

 

"You see the door to the north?"

 

A few Galra soldiers fire at him, attracted to the noise of his yelling.

 

"Yeah I can se-" Pidge's answer is drowned out by the close range shots Lance has to fire to defend himself.

 

"I can close it from here?" Lance runs a little closer to the mass of Galra all shooting into one room.

 

"What?!"

 

"CAN I CLOSE IT?!"

 

Lance's voice cracks just a bit at the end, his friends are in there, his _family_ is in there.

 

He has to save them.

 

"From the outside?"

 

A loud burst of static makes Lance jump.

 

"Pidge?!"

 

"Her helmet got knocked off, but if the cap stone of the door is hit it'll bring all the frame work down around it and block the door, should allow us enough time to get out-"

 

Lance readies his gun, setting it to max power. "That's all I needed to know."

 

"Wait Lance to do that you'd-"

 

Lance doesn't hear the rest of Hunk's speech or Shiro's panicked cries of 'Stop. Stop! Lance don't. DONT!' over the sound of shots being fired.

 

Lance steps out from his hiding spot and aims high.

 

Time seems to slow down

 

_Inhale._

 

Lance focuses on the middle of the doorframe, taking care to center it just right

 

_Exhale_

 

He can hear the Galra yelling and vaguely registers to sound of shots being fired.

 

_Inhale_

 

Lance pulls the trigger

 

_Exhale_

 

A searing amount of pain and a loud crash is all that Lance registers before the world goes black.

 

* * *

 

"ance! LANCE! SOMEBODY FIND ME ANOTHER WAY IN! LANCE!"

 

Lance opens his eyes and groans.

 

"Lance?"

 

He coughs and looks down at his chest.

 

'oh so that's why it hurts to breathe.'

 

"Lance are you there?"

 

"Lance?"

 

"Shiro, Keith. M're"

 

His words are slurred and Lance vaguely wonders if that's a bad thing.

 

"Stay awake Lance. You have to stay awake."

 

Lance exhales and grimaces. "I dunno Pidgey. Sleep sounds good."

 

"Lance you can't" Shiro sharp order helps focus Lance.

 

"You have a concussion, buddy, no sleep for you."

 

Lance glanes down at himself again.

 

"Among other things." he murmurs.

 

Lance's chest plate is cracked nearly in two, blast marks making the white of it a muddy gray. His black undersuit hides the worst of it but if the rappidly expanding puddle of blood Lance is laying in and the amount of pain it takes to even inhale....

Lance knows this is bad.

 

"Lance? Lance what other things? Lance talk to me."

 

Lance looks back up at the blackened ceiling above him, apparently some Galra have really shitty aim.

 

"Shiro, did I ever tell you I stole your jacket that one time?"

 

"Lance...."

 

"I did. I was really cold that one day remember? We all were but yeah," Lance paused to take a painful breath of air. "I'm the jacket thief."

 

"Lance that doesn't matter right now, where are you?"

 

Lance smiles. "Keithy" he says slowly, trying to save himself an extra inhale. "I remember the bonding."

 

"Lance- wait what?"

 

Lance coughs again. "Y-yeah. You cradled me in your arms."

 

"I knew it! I knew you-"

 

"Lance stop that." Shiro's voice hard, tight, like he has to talk like that or lose what little focus he has left.

 

Lance ignores him.

 

"Pidgey? Katie? Pidgey. Pidgey sounds better."

 

"Nononononono Lance _no_. I don't want to hear it. Whatever half assed attempt at - at" Pidge's voice breaks.

 

"At confessing to whatever, I don't want to hear it."

 

Lance sighs, grimacing at how much it hurt. "Ok Pidge." he whispers.

 

"Yup same for me." Hunk interjects. "Not gonna hear it. You have to say you hate my cooking to my face."

 

A surprised laugh bubbles out of Lance and strangles its self on the way out just a few seconds later. Lance rolls onto his side as the cough continues to rattle his lungs and pierce his chest.

 

When it's finally done Lance whimpers and feels the tears rolling down his face.

 

"I'm sorry." he whispers the edges of his vision going dark.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

The team's desperate pleas slowly fade into nothing


	2. I Don't Know Where You Are Or How To Save You

"Nonononononono"

At this point Pidge can't tell if she's the only saying it or if someone else is but does it really matter? Because Lance is god knows where in this ship and he's confessing to stupid stuff and now he's not saying anything at all and Pidge feels like she's going to cry.

She can't lose anyone else.

She can't.

* * *

Keith ramms his bayard through another Galra and keeps running.

'North side, north side, Lance is in the north side. He went north I went south, North side' 

Keith chants in his head, running too hard to say it out loud.

"How big is this ship?!" Hunk sounds panicked and on the verge of tears and Keith hacks his way though a small squadron of Galra and keeps running.

He doesn't answer

 

_W_ _here are you Lance?_

* * *

 Shiro slaps his prosthetic hand down on yet another scanner and feels all the air leave his lungs at the sight before him.

"Guys. Guys!" Shiro calls, forcing himself to walk forward.

"I found him. I found Lance."

He isn't sure that's a good thing.

* * *

 "WHAT?" Hunk yells, stopping to fire a cannon blast down one of the halls, decimating a squadron of Galra. 

"Shiro you've got him? Is he ok?"

Hunk can feel the bile build in the back of his throat at the stench of blood. 

"Wait, wait, wait, where are you Shiro?" 

"North most wing. Just past the gallery."

Hunk looks to his left, and feels the blood drain from his face. "The gallery that looks like the back at the Garrison?"

Hunk swallows hard and deactivates his bayard

"Uh yeah. The one like the Garrison."

Hunk rounds the corner and loses his lunch.

* * *

 "PALADINS!"

Allura looks frantic and doesn't even wait for the lions to fully open their mouths before she is running over.

"Paladins we lost contact with you after you went in. What happened?"

She can sense the fear rolling off the Blue Lion in waves and if one of the great lions of Voltron is scared...

Allura is glancing from lion to lion waiting for her paladins to come out.

 

She screams when Shiro and Hunk walk out of the Green lion, Lance hanging limply between them.

* * *

 Coran feels ill as he watches the healing pod slide shut around Lance, blood already forming a small puddle at his feet.

"Is he going to be ok?"

Coran doesn't turn around to see who asks. 

"I don't know Paladin. I don't know."


	3. I Don't Want To Leave But I Don't Have A Choice

Lance feels....light.

In both terms of the word.

A soft glow seems to surrounding him, warming his skin as he rests weightless in.....

Wherever he is.

Lance frowns, he shouldn't be this flippant about being here. He could be in danger. His friends could.

His friends! 

Lance falls out of the healing pod with a gasp, going from weightless to agony shocking his system.

Lance whimpers into the floor and squeeze his eyes shut against the pain in his chest.

"Ohmygod! Lance!"

There are hands on Lance's side trying to roll him over.

Pushing and pushing until Lance screams and the world goes black again.

* * *

The next time Lance wakes up there is someone's head on his shoulder and the soft warmth is gone.

"Nrggg" Lance groans and rolls his head over to look at who's sleeping on him.

"Hunk?"

Lance winces when Hunk jumps, sitting bolt upright.

"LANCE!" He yells looking so relieved he could cry.

"Hey buddy." Lance whispers, his throat feels like it's been worked over with sandpaper. 

Hunk actually does start crying then, leaning across the from where he sat hunched over, to wrap Lance in a hug as best as he can.

Lance bits down on his tongue to keep from screaming.

Hunk tenses and pulls back after a moment, realizing Lance wasn't hugging back.

"Lance?" He whispers, fear leeching into every word.

"I'm-" Lance shudders in pain and takes a shaky breath. "I'm ok."

Hunk starts crying again, this time into his own hands, sobbing about never do that again and so scared and ate too many pies and Lance just reaches over and wraps his hand around Hunk's wrist. A silent assurance that he's still there, that he hasn't left yet.

Hunk cries harder.

* * *

Lance struggles to breathe all day, each weak inhale more a pained gasp than anything.

Hunk leaves around lunch and it's Allura who brings back a plate of food goo.

"Lance?" she whisper, hesitating in the doorway.

"Princess!" Lance tries for a perky voice. 

It falls short.

"I - Hunk made lunch."

Its an obvious statement but she doesn't know what else to say.

"I appreciate it but uh-" Lance stops to take a shaky breath.

"I don't know if-"

Allura walks over and moves Hunk's chair closer to the bed.

"I can help."

Lance's cheeks burn with shame as Allura spoon feeds him space goo. She has to go slower than a normal person would eat and Lance internally curses his lungs for extending this torture.

"I - I can't"

Allura stops with the food goo halfway to Lance's mouth. His breathing is labored and his face is covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

"That's ok." She smiles softly at him and sets the still mostly full bowl on the night stand.

"I'll be right back." Allura stand and swiftly walks to the bathroom.

Lance can hear water running and soon Allura is back wiping down his face with a cool rag, dipping it back in a small bowl in her lap every now and again. Lance whimpers at the sensation.

"Am I causing you pain? I didn't-"

"Don't stop." Lance interrupts, heat already scalding his cheek bones. "Please."

Allura nods and goes back to wiping at Lance's face eventually working her way down his neck and stopping at the edge of the blanket that's wrapped around him.

"Do you want me to...." Allura trails off, unsure.

Lance makes a soft sound in the back of his throat and nods. 

With careful fingers Allura untucks the sheet from under his sides and peels it back.

Both she and Lance cringe at the sight of his chest.

The skin is puckered and pale, littered with dozens of small scars still a bright angry pink. 

Bullet holes.

Lance lies back and lets Allura clean them as gently as she possibly can and wonders how he's still alive.

* * *

 "It was the Blue Lion."

Lance frowns up at Coran. "Blue?"

Coran nods, "Yes the Blue Lion is the reason you're still alive right now. That's why she didn't come to save you like Red did for Keith that one time. She was holding your quintessence together with her own."

Lance frowned harder. "I don't understand. Why would she do something like that? I'm not anyone special."

Now it's Coran's turn to frown.

"Not anyone special? I don't know if things are different on Earth but on Altea you're a hero. You're a Paladin of Voltron. The Blue Lion's pilot. A man willing to give up his own life for those of his friends. I'd say that's pretty special."

Lance is blinking back tears by the end of his little speech.

"Thank you Coran."

Coran smiles and bends to place a parental kiss to Lance's forehead.

* * *

It's not till Lance passes out from pain when he tries to sit up that they realize the healing pods weren't done healing when they spit Lance out.

"What do you mean not done? I'm fine" Lances smiles as best he can. 

Shiro doesn't believe him. "Come on Lance, it'll be just a few more days and then you won't be in pain anymore."

Shiro's calm reasoning presents a tempting offer, to be weightless and warm again.

But, Lance won't do that to his team.

He can't. 

He knows that during the time he was out of it was hard on them.

He doesn't understand it but it's written in every line of tension on Shiro's body, in every single one of Hunk's tears, in Pidge's distance, in every hesitant motion from Allura, in Coran's worried looks.

Lance can't do that to them again.

"Really Shiro, I'm fine." Lance works himself up on his elbows pointedly ignoring the blood draining from both his and Shiro's faces.

"Lance!" Shiro lunges for Lance, one hand on his back the other hovering uncertainly around Lance's face.

"S-see? I'm fine." Lance's voice is shaky and he can feel Shiro's hand burning like a brand on his back.

"Lance please." Shiro sounds desperate. "Please just one more day."

Lance shakes his head, paling further when the motion makes him dizzy.

"Please don't make me force you there." Shiro sounds like he' going to cry and Lance feels bad but _he can't go back_.

"Lance." it's soft and quiet and heartbreaking and Lance nods even though he's not sure who said it.

He'll go back.

But only for a day.

One day.

That's it.


	4. Trying To Ignore The Fact You Aren't Here (It's Not Working)

Lance doesn't leave the pod for another week.

Coran can't get the pod to release him.

Coran, master of the castle, is _failing_.

He can't get the pod to open.

He can't get to Lance.

He can't.

He can't hecan'thecan'thecan'tHECAN'T!

A wrench goes flying across the room and Coran crumples to his knees.

* * *

Pidge knows.

Pidge knows that when Keith found Lance that the pod said in bold red letters 'Patient Deceased'

She knows what Lance's scream sounds like.

She knows what Keith's sob sounds like.

She doesn't want to know.

She cries harder and buries her face in her knees.

She doesn't want to know.

* * *

Keith's in the training room.

Training and training and training.

Can he even call it training at this point?

Keith cuts down another bot and decides he doesn't care.

Besides as long as he's here, covered in sweat, breathing too hard, fighting the bots, then he can ignore it.

He can ignore the sound of Lance's scream when he touched him, still echoing around in Keith's head all these weeks later.

He can ignore the big red letters that were on the pod Lance came out of.

He can ignore the fear the sits in his chest, flooding his senses every time Lance's name is mentioned.

As long as Keith's here, he can ignore it.

* * *

Hunk cooks things with red in them.

He bakes little pies with bright red crusts and maroon jelly inside. They never go to waste, Keith stress eats and seems to like the pies the most.

Hunk is happy to help.

He cooks things that look like broccoli but are a deep almost mahogany color and taste like bananas.

Lance loved bananas

Hunk bites down on his lip and stirs the batter fast.

"Red isn't the color of Lance's blood. It's Keith's color. It's the color of this weird broccoli plant thing." Hunk squints at the plant in his hand, nodding softly.

"It's the color of the pies Keith likes." Hunk whispers to the empty kitchen.

"Lance isn't bleeding anymore. He's healing. He'll be ok. He not bleeding anymore."

 

But does that mean he's still alive?

* * *

Shiro trains with Keith sometimes.

Other times he goes down to Pidge's lab and helps as best he can with her projects

He takes Coran's odd jobs around the castle as long as they don't have anything to do with the med bay.

With seeing Lance, looking so lifeless, so hurt.

Shiro busies himself with anything he can think of

So he can stop thinking

Stop think he should have argued against going on that mission in the first place.

Stop thinking how if he were a better leader he wouldn't have had them split up in the first place

Stop thinking how if he'd fought harder Lance wouldn't have had to take that shot, to open himself up to attack like that, to-

 

Shiro's hand slams down on the wall, the metal of his prosthetic scrapping harshly against the metal of the castle.

 

He needs something to do.


	5. Permission To Active Combustion Chamber?

Lance stumbled out from the pod right into Coran's arms.

The Alten was babbling and crying into Lance's hair and Lance didn't understand.

He was ok.

He just got out everything was ok.

 

 

That's when the pain hit.

* * *

 Coran had never known such fear as he did when Lance went slack in his arms.

One second he was ok, talking to Coran, he had been _ok._

Then he gasped and went slack. 

 

Coran shook Lance, holding him close, rocking violently back and forth.

He couldn't lose another son.

He couldn't.

 

The pod beeped above them.

Bold red text scrolled on the screen

 

"Patient Deceased. Initiating Combustion Chamber."

* * *

 When Allura got the notification requesting permission to activate the castles combustion chambers, a bolt of cold fear shot through her.

"No." she whispered, reading the alert again. 

"No!"

 

She took off running.

* * *

 Allura nearly ran Shiro over in her haste to get to Lance.

"Whoa! Princess is everything ok?" Shiro held her by the shoulders, peering worriedly down at her. Allura sobbed brokenly, weakly trying to shake out of Shiro's grip.

"No!" she yelled, finally breaking down. "Nothing is ok anymore!"

Shiro pulled Allura to him without another word, holding her close and letting her scream into his chest.

He ignored the feeling of dread growing in the pit of his stomach.

Maybe if he ignores it long enough it'll go away.


	6. Buried In Bots To Get To You

 Keith knew something was wrong when a door that had always been locked, opened and a blast of heat flared into the hallway.

 

Keith recoiled, “What the hell?!”

 

A bot like the ones from the training room walked out, the metal of it’s body shimmering with heat.

 

“WHAT THE HELL?!” Keith repeated, rolled to the opposite side of the hall, narrowly avoiding being ran over by the robot.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

The bot turned to Keith, looking at him with it’s sensors that never really looked like real eyes.

 

“Pod Patient 002 has been declared deceased. Combustion Chamber has been Prepared. Bot 0862 assigned to collect the body.”

 

 

The bot turned it’s back on Keith’s scream.

* * *

Hunk heard Keith’s scream and ran to find the Red Paladin chasing after a bot, activated bayard in hand.

 

“Keith?!”

 

Hunk looked after him, “Keith what happened?!”

 

“They’re going to kill Lance!”

 

 

Hunk’s blood went cold.

* * *

Pidge frantically tapped away at her keyboard tapping, tapping, tapping.

 

She screamed in frustration when nothing happened.

 

She could hear the bots coming closer a steady clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, of their too even footsteps.

 

“Bar the door! Don't let them in!”

 

Keith swung with his bayard, lobbing off one arm with a clean swipe. Shiro pushed the beds closer to the door, face pinched with strain.

 

“I need more time!” Pidge cried, scrubbing the tears from her eyes, trying to focus on the screen.

 

“We don't have time!” Keith yelled, the bots still coming in a steady rhythm.

 

Clunk.

 

Clunk.

 

Clunk.

 

Coran cradled Lance’s body, rocking back and forth, perfectly _useless_.

 

“Use the override!” Hunk’s voice was faint, farther down the hall, buried in bots.

 

“Allura!” Pidge snapped,

 

“I tried, I already tried” Allura let lose a noise that sounded dangerously close to a sob.

 

“What’s the code?!” Pidge yelled over the chaos.

 

Over the steady clunk.

 

Clunk 

 

Clunk

 

“Four hundred eighty o four” Allura yelled. “That’s the Earth equivalent.”

 

“What buttons?!?!”

 

Pidge bit her lip to keep from sobbing, “What buttons do I hit!?!”

 

Allura ran over, dropping to her knees next to Pidge. She hit buttons that looked random to Pidge, and using far more keystrokes than the 7 Pidge would use.

 

A red error screen popped up.

 

“See? It doesn't work!”

 

“I’ll make it work!” Pidge snarled, fingers flying over the keyboard.

 

The bots pushed against the makeshift barrier of beds Shiro had made.

 

“Step aside for body removal. Step aside for body removal. Step aside for body removal.” They chanted, arms pushing against the beds, bending the metal.

 

“Step aside for body removal…...” the ‘L’ was drawn out as the bots slowly shut down.

 

“Done.” Pidge panted. “He’s safe.”

 

They all looked to Coran.

 

He keened, still rocking Lance.

 

 

 

 

“There is no more Blue Paladin.”


	7. Screaming For You To Leave Me Be

Lance woke up with a scream.

 

The metal pads Coran had placed on his chest, were smoking slightly.

 

Lance felt tears on his cheeks, it hurt so bad. It hurt. Why did he hurt?

 

Lance looked tearfully at Coran, his vision blurring.

.

“Why?” he whispered

 

Coran sobbed, dropping the pads and embracing him.

 

 

  
Lance screamed again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Don't touch him!” Keith jerked Coran’s shoulder back, pulling the Alten off him.

 

Lance’s scream tapered off into a high pitched keening sound, as he curled into himself.

 

“What did you do to me?” Lance whispered. “What did you do?”

 

“I restarted your heart.” Coran shook off Keith’s grip, ignoring the nasty look Keith sent him.

 

“It hurts. It hurts so bad.”

 

Coran reached for Lance, stopping halfway when Lance flinched back.

 

“It hurts.”

 

Keith ground his teeth. “Don't you have anything to fix it?!” he snarled, whirling on Coran.

 

Coran scowled, “Don't you think I would have used it already?”

 

Keith glared, “I don't know would you?”

 

A hurt look flashed across Coran’s face quickly followed by one of anger.

 

Keith stood his ground, not backing down from Coran’s anger.

 

“Relax you two.” Shiro’s voice was strained.

 

Coran huffed, moving away from Lance’s side to the holo monitor in the med bay. “I’ll look for some pain relieving medicine for you Lance. We will have to do some trial and error because I don't know how your human body will respond to them.”

 

Lance didn't say anything.

 

Keith approached the blue paladin cautiously. “Lance?”

 

“Shhh” Lance hissed, eyes shut tight. “Shhh”

 

Keith laid a gentle hand on Lance’s shoulder, “What’s-”

 

Lance jerked back, gasping. “Don't.” his voice trembled.

 

“Don't touch me.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Shiro pulled Keith back, one hand wrapped around his arm. “Let him breath Keith.”

 

Keith stepped back, looking both parts angry and hurt.

 

“Can-” Lance’s breath hitched. “Can you leave?”

 

Shiro frowned slightly. “Who Lance? Keith? Me?”

 

“All” Lance’s breathing was strained. “All of you.”

 

Shiro shared a worried look with Keith. “Ok Lance, but we’ll have the cameras on.”

 

Lance nodded weakly, listing to the side.

 

Keith looked at Shiro indecorously. “We can't leave him! He could-” Keith’s voice hitched.

 

“It’s not safe.”

 

Shiro looked pained. “Lance wants us to leave him, so we’ll leave him alone. The security cameras will help us keep an eye on him.”

 

Keith opened his mouth to say something but Lance cut him off.

 

“Please.” he whispered weakly. “Keith please”

 

Keith looked at Lance for a long moment before turning on his heel and walking out.

 

“If you need anything, just-”

 

“Scream” Lance whispered, leaning against the wall. “I’ll scream.”

 

Shiro nodded once and followed Keith out the door.

 

He didn't know how he felt about the screaming. 


	8. Hell Is Knowing You're The Reason He Died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter, and no matter how many times I rewrite it I don't hate it any less. 
> 
> I see no point in sitting on this update any longer than I already have, enjoy.

“Go” Lance whispered, looking at Coran Allura, and Pidge.

 

“Go.”

 

Coran walked out as quick as his feet would carry him.

 

Pidge tuck her laptop under her arm, looked between Lance and the security camera above him. 

 

"I'll keep an eye on you." she whispered softly.

 

Lance nodded slowly, tired eyes focusing on Allura shaking her head.

 

“I can’t.”

 

Lance closed his eyes, head falling against the cool metal wall next to the bed.

 

“Quiet”

 

Allura nodded, even though he didn't see it.

 

“I can do quiet.”

 

She walked over to Lance, hands hovering just over his back.

 

She sighed and sat down on the floor, leaning against the bed Lance was on.

 

‘I’m sorry’ she thought silently, listening to each of Lance’s labored inhales.

 

‘I should have never authorized that mission.’  


* * *

_"This is our chance! We have to go!"_

  
_"We don't have to do anything thank you very much 'Mr. I never think anything through'"_

 

_Pidge glared at Keith across the command room table, a challenge in her gaze._

 

_"So you don't even want to look for your family anymore?" he snapped back._

  
_"Keith-" Lance laid a hand on his arm, about to say something before Pidge cut him off._

 

_"At least my family loves me" She sends Keith a nasty look, chair scraping loudly as she stood up._

 

_"I'll be in the loading bay when Keith comes to apologize." She sweeps out of the room and Allura sighed softly, eyes meeting Shiro's across the room._

 

_These planning meetings never went well, ever._

  
_Keith grinds his teeth, audible to only Coran and Allura with their heightened Alten hearing._

 

_“We have to go” he stresses._

 

_Allura nodded, "I agree with Keith." S_

 

_he ignored the stunned look on his face, choosing to address Shiro’s concerns before they even left his mouth._

 

_"Attacking the Galra directly will boost the morale of our allies and this cargo ship is the perfect target."_

 

_Shiro looked pensive, "We don't know what the 'cargo' even is"_

 

_Hunk nodded, "Yeah as much as I like the idea of hitting the Galra back I don't like the look of that." He pointed at the holo image of the ship that the castles scanners had picked up._

 

_They all looked at it, and Allura swished her finger, the castle responding to her and spinning the image slowly._

  
_It was taken quiet a distance away, so the details are blurry but it serves it purpose._

  
_They can all see just how massive the ship is, nearly twice as long as the castle is tall. There look to be no defenses. No ion canon, no fighter jets surrounding it. It was the perfect target._

  
_“I think we can do it.” Lance smiled when everyone looked at him._

 

_“Come on guys, we’re Voltron! We can total take on a little cargo ship.”_

 

_“Uh, not to ruin your speech here buddy but that is_ not _a little ship.”_

  
_Lance shrugged, “So it’s big. We’re bigger.”_

  
_Allura saw Shiro start to speak out of the corner of her eye and jumped in before he could._

 

_“There are 5 lions, who can turn into Voltron and only one defenseless cargo ship.”_

 

_“One really big cargo ship.”_

 

_Shiro sighed, scrubbing his hand over his face, resignation in every line of his body. “_

 

_Will follow your direction Princess.”_

 

_Allura looked to the remaining Paladins._

 

_Hunk looked nervous but that poor boy always looks nervous._

 

_Keith was still grinding his teeth, mad that this is taking so long._

 

_Lance smiled at her encouragingly._

 

_“It is decided. Voltron leaves at once to capture and destroy a Galra cargo ship.”_   


* * *

Allura cried silently, tucking her face into her knees. ‘It’s my fault’ she thought. ‘I ordered that mission. I’m the one that got you killed.’  


* * *

Lance breathed in and out as best he could, trying to piece together what happened.

 

‘I was shot’

 

He remembered that clearly, the bright lights of laser fire coming towards him.

 

‘I went in a pod’

 

Lance breathed in and out, it was easier in the pod. Easier to just breathe.

 

‘I got out of the pod and Hunk had been crying’

 

Lance was pretty sure that was right.

 

‘Shiro put me back in a pod. Just a few days.’

 

Lance didn't feel like it had been only a few days. It felt like centuries had passed.

 

‘Coran…’

 

Now things were fuzzier, he had seen Coran. Lance was sure of at least that, but was it dream Coran or real Coran?

 

“What happened?” Lance rasped out, blearily peering down at Allura.

 

The princess flinched, “You uh- you died.” she said quietly, sniffling a little.

 

“Died?”

 

That didn't make any sense. If he had died then how was he still here?

 

“Is this heaven?”

  
Allura laughed brokenly.

 

“No, this is hell.”


	9. Sustaining You Means Replacing You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll ready? Shit's gonna hit the fan after this chapter. Don't say I didn't warn ya!

‘Blue’s eyes are dimmer.’

 

It was a passing thought as Hunk dug through spare parts. ‘Why are her eyes dimmer?’

 

Pulling out a gear and tucking it into his belt, Hunk walked over to the huge beast.

 

“Hey Blue.”

 

The lion hummed softly

 

“What’s goin’ on?”

 

Blue’s eyes flashed briefly and Hunk felt Yellow press against his mind.

 

“Her paladin hurts” Yellow said. “Blue feels his pain and is trying to sustain him”

 

“Sustain him?”

 

“He has no quintessence of his own left. She shares hers through their bond”

 

Hunk frowned. “No quintessence left? What do you mean?”

 

Yellow pushed the image of Lance’s unbreathing chest to the front of Hunk’s mind.

 

Hunk winced, “She’s the reason he’s alive?”

 

“Yes” Yellow purred, somehow sad.

 

Hunk leaned his head against Blue’s leg. “Thank you” he whispered.

 

“Thank you for saving him.”

* * *

“Coran?"

 

Coran smiled twirling his squirt gun, "Yes Yellow Paladin?"

 

"Uh, What would, that is hypothetically speaking of course-"

 

Coran nodded, "of course"

 

"Well I was wondering what would happen if Voltron ran out of quintessences?"

 

Coran frowned. "Where did this come from?"

 

Hunk wrung his hands "Hypothetically?"

 

Coran shook his head, face smoothing. "It's impossible. Voltron has its own unique quintessences. It'll never run out."

 

Hunk sighed, his shoulders releasing the tension Coran didn't even notice was there. "Ok good thing, thanks Coran. I was really stressing there for a sec. I mean Blue having to hold Lance together and weakening Voltron? Scary stuff my dude. Thanks for easing my worries."

 

Hunk hugs Coran and ambles off down the hall, ignorant of the terror on Coran's face,

 

'The Blue Lion is still holding Lance together?' Coran leaned against the wall, smudging the window he'd just cleaned.

 

He didn't notice.

 

"This is worse than I thought' Coran slumped, the weight of this new knowledge heavy on his shoulders.

 

'I have to tell the Princesses.'

 

 

 

He wasn't looking forward to it.


	10. Informing Them Of Your "Death"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told ya'll shit was gonna hit the fan.

 

“Allura.” 

 

The princess looks up from the control holo concerned. Coran rarely ever called her by her name alone…

 

“We need a new Blue Paladin.” His tone is clipped, his words blunt. Others would think of it as a sign of cruelty, anger. But Allura saw it for what it really was. 

 

A cover for his pain.

 

He didn't want her knowing how much he hurt. 

 

Allura sighs, her shoulders slumping.

 

“I know. I could sense the shift in Voltron’s energy as soon as they got back. I'd thought it go away with time…”

 

A tear slides down her cheek, silver against her dark skin.

 

She clears her throat straightening up, the mantle of leader overpowering any pain.

 

“Regardless of my personal feels on the matter it was necessary to locate a paladin. I have already selected a new-” she stumbles over the word not missing the flinch Coran gave “A _potential_ Blue Paladin is in the market of Blououx. Orange skin, bright eyes-” 

 

“I’ll collect him. Blououx is only a quintent away.”

 

Allura slumps back down as Coran sweeps out of the room, the door sliding shut behind him with an air of finality. 

 

“I’ll tell the team.” 

 

 

It’s whispered to empty air, even the mice abandoning her to her duty.

 

* * *

 

“ _Why?”_

 

Allura expected yelling. Expected anger. She did not expect a single, fearful, question.

 

“For the good of the universe.” The words are bitter in her mouth and Allura hurries to rid herself of the taste.

 

“With the Blue Lion sustaining him like this-” A flicker of unease spreads through the group, everyone still adjusting to the fact that Lance had died.

 

“Voltron is weak.” Allura’s words are sharp and she winces along with the team at their delivery. She’s been trying to rid her voice of emotion, trying to be strong for them. Apparently she is too strong.

 

“The Blue Lion’s quintessence is lowered and so is its abilities. Reaction time, attack potency, speed. All diminished. With the Galra being so bold as to transport those-” she shudders, images of metal and flash crudely welded together flashing through her mind.

 

“Those _things_. Right past us…” her voice hardens again. “We cannot afford to be weak.”

 

“And replacing-” Keith’s words are as sharp as Allura’s own. “-A member of the team is going to make us stronger how?” He stands, glaring not only at Allura but at the rest of the team as well.

 

“I don't know about you... Lance may be obnoxious and annoying but he’s one of the only people I trust to have my back. Not a complete stranger.”

 

Allura rose to her full height, vision blurring with tears. “You think I _want_ this?” Keith goes quiet but the scowl doesn't leave his face.

 

“I love Lance as much as any of you do! But-” Her voice breaks, shattering under the pressure of the knowledge she has to do this.

 

“We have to. We _have_ to.” Allura bites down hard on her tongue to compose herself.

 

“We have to. That’s a part of being Voltron.” she looks to the sky, staring at the bright lights in a attempt to dry the tears that won't stop falling.

 

“Voltron means doing what’s best for the greater good.” she swallows, hard.

 

“No matter how painful.” She ends on a whisper, more to herself than the team, but they hear it all the same.

 

“How long?”

 

Shiro’s voice is gentle but strained, like it’s taking all his willpower to keep it together.

 

“3 days. I’ll take 3 of your Earthen days for Coran to collect the new paladin and return.”

 

Pidge scoffs, “He’s no paladin.”

 

The team is quiet.

 

Allura steps back from the table, excuses to leave this unbearable silence, a silence she caused, on the tip of her tongue. 

 

The team looks to her, drawn by the movement. Shock, fear, pain, so many different emotions look back at her thought their eyes.

 

Allura chokes on a sob under the weight of it all..

 

 

“I'm sorry” 

  
And she runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What should I name our ~potential~ Blue Paladin?  
> I stink at naming things, any suggestions?


	11. Why Cant You Just Leave Me In Peace?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a time skip???? ???? I guess????  
> I dunno I can clear stuff up if it's confusing

Shiro doesn't know how long he sat there, staring at the table between his hands.

He knows he was the last to leave, having listened to everyone chairs scrape back as they left one by one.

Keith had laid a heavy hand on his shoulder, but Shiro hadn't looked up.

* * *

 Eventually he stood, the lights dim around him. ‘Night cycle’ Shiro thinks ‘I should check on Lance.’

He moves robotically, walking through the halls to Lance’s room wondering how they’ll ever tell him.

The door slides open as soon as Shiro’s in front of it and Lance smiles tiredly from his place, propped up on the bed. “Hey.” he whispers, face a light from the reading tablet in his hands.

“Hi” Shiro walks in, the doors swished shut behind him. “Can i turn on the lights?”

It’s a routine question now. Now that they know the pain gives Lance a headache and lights make everything so much worse.

Lance shakes his head, and Shiro sighs, moving away from the switch.

“If lights bug you, you shouldn't be looking at that.” Shiro inclines his head to the tablet. Lance looks sheepish, “I'm catching up on the vlogs” he whispers.

Shiro shakes his head, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Where are you at?”

Lance sighs, “Doesn't matter. I’ll sleep it off later.”

Shiro frowns, “Lance…”

Lance sighs again, sinking back against the pillows. “9.” he whispers.

Shiro shakes his head again, gently taking the tablet from Lance, Pidge’s face looking up at him from the screen.”

“Meds?”

“Too late.”

Shiro makes a face, “You gotta get better about taking them-”

Lance snorts, turning away from him, “It’s not like they work anyways.”

Shiro looks at him sadly, the weight of the meeting earlier heavy on his shoulders. They have to protect Lance, especially since he won't do it for himself.

“You know I have to tell Allura. She’s going to take you out of training.”

“Why?!”

Lance whips back around, a dizzying motion, judging by how his eyes focus and unfocus.

“Because you’re in pain.”

Lance snorts, “Newsflash Shiro! I'm always in pain.”

Shiro winces, standing and laying the tablet down on the nightstand next to Lance. “You know what I mean Lance.”

Lance doesn't respond, rolling back over.

Shiro sighs, “Goodnight Lance.”

Lance doesn't say anything.

The door slides open for Shiro and shut again behind him

He draws himself up, straightening his spin. He has to protect Lance.

If Lance won't do it for himself, Shiro will do it for him. Whether he likes it or not.

* * *

The next morning Shiro bring Lance breakfast, and doesn't turn on the lights.

“Pain?” he asks

Lance groans in response and Shiro pretends not to see the tear stains on his cheeks.

“Meds.”

Shiro sets down the bowl of food goo on top of the tablet from last night and rummages around in the drawers.

“Don't need 'em” Lance rasps.

“Do need them” Shiro says back, pulling the small container of pills out and a bottle of water. Coran had given them to Lance last week, hoping that the Alten medicine would help him.

“Here.” he nudges the water into Lance’s hand and sets the pills into his other hand.

“I’ll be back in just a second.”

Lance waits until the doors have slid closed before dumping the pills down between the wall and the bed. He slams some water just as Shiro walks back in.

“Good. Pain level?”

“8.” Lance snaps.

“I’ll tell the team you won't be in for lunch. I’ll be back in 20 minutes, the meds should have kicked in by then.”

Lance nods, taking another sip of water and doesn't mention the steadily growing pile of pills under his bed.


	12. Movie Night = A Painful Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello yall i am back with another chapter i hate after 2 months of rewriting it. 
> 
> Sorry this story hasn't been updated in a while, my health went to shit and then afterwards i was looking over my outline about realized that if i followed it we'd be here for 800 years. So i completely rewrote every chapter I had previously written from here on out and the outline, hence the extended delay in a new chapter. 
> 
> I don't totally love the new outline but i have some chapters written out and I'll be back on my Monday updates schedule for this story!

* * *

 

“You should talk to Lance. He’s having a pretty good day today.” 

 

Keith glares at Shiro through his bangs, sweaty with exertion. 

 

“You said that already.” 

  
“And you still haven't talked to him.”

 

Keith huffs, cutting down the last bot. “Maybe I don't want to talk to him.”

 

Shiro arches an eyebrow and Keith gestures wildly with his bayard. “We have nothing to talk about!”

 

Shiro thinks for a moment, waiting for Keith to end the training session before speaking. “So walk around.”

 

“Really? Lance can't even stand.” 

 

The light in Shiro’s eyes dims, but he smiles softly, “That’s what you’re there for buddy.”

 

Keith opens his mouth to protest but snaps it shut in the face of Shiro’s logic. Huffing he crosses his arms over his chest. “Fine” he mutters.

 

Shiro pushing off the wall and lays a hands on Keith’s shoulder, still smiling that fake soft smile. “Thanks Keith.” 

 

He walks out and Keith stares at the space where he just was and wonders if Shiro isn't as ok as he tells them he is.

* * *

“Hey” Keith tapped on the doorframe to Lance’s bedroom, the door having been wide open, Lance signal that’s he’s having a better day.

 

“Keith! My buddy, my man, what’s up?” Lance set the tablet down next to him and smiled.

 

Keith tried not to think about how it wasn't as bright as the ones from before. 

 

“Uh, I was going to watch a movie in the lounge if you wanted-” Keith trails off at the sight of Lance’s smile falling, “Never mind, it was dumb”

 

“Help me up.” 

 

Lance looks at Keith, waving him closer. 

Keith walks over to him and hovers awkwardly, unsure of what to do. 

 

“Ugh get over here.”   


Lance grabs Keith’s shoulders and uses them to lever himself up off the bed. Keeping one arm around Keith’s shoulders, and ignoring the little voice in the back of his mind whispering about uselessness and burdens Lance gestures in to the door. “Lead the way mullet man.” 

* * *

Lance squeezes his eyes shut at the bright lights flashing on the holo screen in front of them.

 

He’s sitting next to Keith, after both of them fighting over the best spot on the couch, and really wishing he could walk on his own.

 

If he could, he could make an excuse of going to the bathroom or grabbing something from his room and then just not come back. 

 

Kind of a dick move, especially since Lance insisted it was fine but how was he supposed to know that watching movies was going to be this painful?!?

 

Lance faked sleeping with his head on his chest to avoid most of the lights and thinks about why this is so painful. 

 

Allura has been drilling him about finding out why so they can help and as annoying as she is about it, Lance has to admit that it’s helpful. A little but helpful though. Just a little. Ok who is he kidding it’s a lot helpful though, but don't tell Allura that!

 

“Lance?” 

 

Lance doesn't move, a bolt of fear piercing him. Fear of what Lance doesn't know.

 

“Lance?” Keith shakes him a little but Lance keeps his eyes closed, letting his body move where Keith told it to.

 

“Dude really? You fell asleep on me?” Lance face twitches but Keith doesn't seem to notice.

 

Keith sighs and Lance can feel his uncertainty. To masks the twitch of a smile Lance rolls his head and lets it bump against Keith’s side lightly.

 

Keith sighs awkwardly and drapes his arm over Lance’s shoulders 

 

Lance bites down on his tongue to keep from flinching


	13. It Takes Time To Accept And I Havent Accepted It Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance looks and all he's sees is the change people are scared of.

It took time. 

 

Too much time in Lance’s opinion. 

 

It shouldn’t take 3 days before you can stand unsupported.

 

It shouldn’t be painful to simply  _ breathe. _

 

Lance hated this. This new way of life. 

 

He wanted to go back. 

 

Back to where each breath wasn't a struggle, where eating didn't make him nauseous. Back to where it didn't hurt. 

 

But he couldn't. 

 

He couldn't. 

 

Things would never be the same again. 

 

Call him a pessimist but he could see it. 

 

He could see it in Keith’s obsessive training. Something Lance didn't know about till he stumbling across him and saw the look of horror on Keith’s face just before he collapsed.  _ Again  _

 

In Shiro’s worried glances every time Lance did something that wasn't laying in bed.

 

Allura’s hovering anytime Lance left his room. 

 

Pidge’s search history of ‘how to help someone in pain’ 

 

In Hunk’s babbling about nothing and everything. 

 

In the way simple things, simple basic things like breathing, now hurt. 

 

Hurt so bad Lance wanted to stop.

 

So no, things would never be the same again.

 


End file.
